How to Be an Ally

By Cori DeLisi, DO

On May 28, AWS came together with the Association of Out Surgeons and Allies in our Cutting-Edge Conversations webinar to answer the question “How can we be allies to the LGBTQ+ community as trainees and surgeons?” If you identify as an ally because you implicitly support your LGBTQ+ patients and colleagues, consider what others see of your allyship and how far your impact reaches. Here we expand on the webinar’s takeaways for AWS members with added perspectives from Dr. DeLisi, a trainee who has been on both sides of allyship around sexual and gender minority identities. 

I’m Cori (they/them), a general surgery intern in Pennsylvania. After coming out as non-binary in medical school, I faced this dichotomy of trying to introduce myself with my pronouns while also feeling worried about shifting the conversation away from patients, learning, or healthcare in general. 

After excluding my pronouns from my introductions throughout my sub-internships, I decided not to let my fear get in the way of setting the record straight (no pun intended) as a new resident. I still remember our “introductions” meeting with my coresidents; when it got to me, I took a deep breath and said  “Hey, I’m Cori and my pronouns are they/them but don’t worry if you mess up!” Looking back, I really am proud for staying true to myself while working towards creating a welcoming environment where we can mess up and learn together, but also because the co-resident sitting next to me used “she/they” pronouns and noted that my openness made it easier for her to say her pronouns, as well. A moment of self-advocacy allowed me to be an ally to my peers!

How can you be a good ally? Staying up-to-date with inclusive language, legal, and political ongoings within the community is a cornerstone of allyship. The use of “they/them/theirs” as a singular pronoun for non-binary individuals and of the word Queer as an identity have all been recent developments within the community. I had been out as a lesbian for five years before I met my first non-binary friend… and I messed up their pronouns a lot at first! Similarly, if you haven’t frequently been around sexual minorities (lesbian, gay, bisexual, pansexual, etc.), you may tend to describe someone’s partners with gendered terms as opposed to neutral language like “partner(s)”. I see my earlier story as an example of how even I, as a Queer person who would directly benefit from this allyship and the creation of a safe space, can have difficulty finding the right words and courage to be a good ally. 

Allyship isn’t necessarily a single action or a snapshot in time, but the cultivation of an environment that appreciates differences and does not force folks to choose between being themselves and taking up space. Many of the steps AWS members take to advocate for women in surgery can be applied to our Queer peers! As with AWS initiatives, inclusion of and allyship for these communities starts with your specific strengths: strong mentors could provide cross-mentorship to LGBTQ+ trainees, advocates could fight for equity in parental leave policies, and educators could change how we teach and how we test knowledge.

To summarize, being an ally comes down to a few principles: respecting other individuals—including using correct names and pronouns, using inclusive language, speaking up in cases of discrimination, and staying up-to-date with how communities interact. Lastly, and perhaps most importantly, be kind to yourself, you might not get everything right the first time but be better the next time around.

Cori DeLisi, DO (they/them)

@coridelisi on instagram

Hi, my name is Cori, and I am a general surgery intern just outside of Philadelphia! I’m originally from New York, went to undergrad and worked as an engineer in Massachusetts, before going to medical school in California, where I met my partner in school! I love working out, reading, my 2 cats, experiencing all the fun activities Philadelphia has to offer, and arguing with my partner about whether Ob/gyn or general surgery is the best specialty!