Finding Myself: A Korean-American Adoptee’s Reflections on Identity, Loss, and Purpose

08 May 2023

By: Elizabeth Lilley, MD, MPH

Many people are surprised to learn that I am both a surgeon and a palliative care doctor. Although the number of surgeons pursuing fellowship training in palliative care continues to grow, it remains a rare combination, with fewer than 100 American physicians carrying dual board certification in surgery and palliative medicine. For me, this dual professional identity is rooted in my heritage as a Korean-American adoptee.  

I left a foster home in Korea – the country of my birth – when I was three months old to join my new family in America. Growing up, my dual identity as a Korean daughter to white American parents felt natural and right, and also led to some confusion. As a young girl, I once used modeling clay to sculpt myself a Caucasian nose so I could look more like my mother.  On the other hand, when I was with my Asian friends my outward appearance blended in, but I could not fully relate to their experiences growing up in Asian American homes. Despite belonging to two worlds, I sometimes felt like an outsider in each.  

Over the years, I have met many other Korean-American adoptees. We shared a common background, so there was never a need to explain.  Through these friendships, I found myself.  When a dear friend was diagnosed with advanced cancer and died far too young, it sent a shockwave through our small community. I was 18 at the time, and will never forget when he called and told me that the chemotherapy had not worked and he was starting hospice.  Weeks later, he died at home surrounded by family. Through this devastating loss, I began a path that led me to my career in surgical oncology and palliative care.  

During medical school and residency, I kept this memory in my heart as I cared for patients with cancer. My goal has always been to provide care to patients and their families, regardless of whether a cure is possible. And so, after finishing my surgical residency, I was excited to complete a fellowship in hospice and palliative medicine. Although I knew that not all surgeons were comfortable and familiar with palliative care, it had never occurred to me that not all palliative care physicians would feel comfortable and familiar with surgeons.  Before long, it was clear to me and everyone else that my identity – my tribe – was firmly rooted in surgical culture.  Although I was welcomed and wanted in the palliative care community that had adopted me, I was also representing foreign people.  

An early lesson in communication from my palliative care faculty involved switching from using “but” to “and also.”  For example:

  • “Mrs. Smith has been adamant about getting more treatment, but she has had multiple hospitalizations with infectious complications.”  
  • “Mrs. Smith has been adamant about getting more treatment, and also she has had multiple hospitalizations with infectious complications.”  

It is a small change that allows space for seemingly conflicting ideas to be equally valid and important. A patient can simultaneously want more treatment and be greatly suffering from it.  In surgery, we so often deal in absolutes. We strive for precision and perfection. The cancer is resectable or unresectable. The margin is positive or negative. But in palliative care, we need to make space for uncertainty and complexity and contradiction.  

The lessons of my childhood, embracing and integrating the many aspects of my identity, are echoed now.  I am an orphan from Korea. I am a daughter to loving American parents who do not look like me, but share my heart. I sit in quiet sadness with those who are facing their own mortality. I use my hands to cure cancer. Rather than let these many sides of myself come into conflict, I draw insights and inspiration from all of them to become the doctor and person I am today.

Elizabeth Lilley, MD, MPH is a surgical oncology fellow at The University of Texas MD Anderson Cancer Center. She received her undergraduate degree from Lafayette College, her master’s degree in public health at the Mailman School of Public Health at Columbia University, and her medical degree from Rutgers Robert Wood Johnson Medical School. She began her General Surgery residency at Rutgers, then transferred to Brigham and Women’s Hospital to complete training.  She did fellowship training in Hospice and Palliative Medicine at Massachusetts General Hospital and Dana Farber Cancer Institute.  Following this, she began a surgical oncology fellowship at the University of Texas M.D. Anderson Cancer Center where she is currently in her final year of training.  Next year, Dr. Lilley will join the staff at Brigham and Women’s Hospital and Dana Farber Cancer Institute, where she will specialize in sarcoma and melanoma.  Her research focuses on the palliative care needs of surgical patients. 

7 Replies to “Finding Myself: A Korean-American Adoptee’s Reflections on Identity, Loss, and Purpose”

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  2. A  doctor has been convicted of fraud after she was caught re-using single-use tools for sinus surgeries hundreds of times.Anita
    Louise Jackson, 59, operated three offices of Greater Carolina Ear, Nose and Throat where she would re-use devices to defraud and mislead patients.She performed more
    than 1,400 of these surgeries for Medicare patients between 2011 and the end of 2017,
    using just 36 devices.She’s also been convicted
    on charges of fabricating medical and healthcare records, paying illegal remunerations, mail fraud,
    and conspiracy. Jackson faces up to 40 years in prison based on the maximum terms of
    each charge she was convicted of and fines
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    The jury already ordered forfeiture of $4,794,039.31 in Medicare fraud.
    Anita Louise Jackson, 59, operated three offices of Greater Carolina Ear, Nose and
    Throat where she would re-use devices to defraud and mislead patients.

    She performed more than 1400 of these surgeries for Medicare patients between 2011 and the end of 2017Jackson operated locations of her
    practice in Raleigh, Lumberton and Rockingham, where she would use
    the Entellus XprESS, an FDA-approved device for performing balloon sinuplasty, which treats chronic sinusitis. The FDA has only approved it for use on one patient, for one surgery
    and then it is meant to be thrown away.  
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    Justice Department officials found that records showed Jackson getting,
    at most, only 36 new devices in the years in which she was conducting these
    1,400 procedures.  ‘This doctor put profit ahead of patients, luring in Medicare patients
    with free ‘sinus spas’ and risking infection to those patients by
    reusing the same single-use surgical devices on them again and again,’ said Michael Easley, U.S.

    Attorney for the Eastern District of North Carolina. ‘If we
    allow doctors to bilk Medicare to pad their profits by performing unsupported medical
    procedures — each and every American taxpayer eats the cost.
    But the harm is most felt by the victim-patients who deserved better, and
    the elderly Americans on Medicare who are entitled to quality care.’Investigators discovered that Jackson would lie to patients and not tell them she was using the ‘adulterated’ device,
    despite admitting she had more than enough money to buy them for every single patient.

    She simply chose not to. ‘Jackson’s blatant disregard for her patients’ health has led to her conviction on multiple federal charges.’
    Jackson operated locations of her practice in Raleigh, Lumberton and Rockingham, where she would use the Entellus XprESS (pictured), an FDA-approved device for performing balloon sinuplasty, which treats chronic sinusitis
    Jackson’s Rockingham location. Justice Department officials found that
    records showed Jackson getting, at most, only 36 new devices in the years in which she was conducting these 1,400 proceduresAs
    her patients were largely on Medicare, she’s also accused of using those procedures
    to bill Medicare over $46million.’The FDA continues in its commitment to aggressively pursue those who deviate from required
    standards of use for medical devices,’ said Special Agent in Charge Justin C.

    Fielder, FDA Office of Criminal Investigations Miami Field Office.
    ‘We will remain vigilant in our efforts to protect consumers from potentially dangerous products.’ Jackson was also convicted of 10 counts of illegally inducing her patients to have
    the procedure done by not collecting co-patients, which allowed her
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    Miles of the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services Office of Inspector General.The US
    Attorney’s Office in the Middle District also has a pending civil action against Jackson 

  3. TOKYO, Feb 11 (Reuters) – Japanese Prime Minister Fumio Kishida will return to work on Monday
    after his sinus surgery in a Tokyo hospital at the weekend proved uneventful, the Kyodo news agency said. Saturday’s procedure ran for about
    3 hours and 40 minutes, the agency said, quoting government
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    Kishida will go to the hospital for post-operative treatment on Sunday, it added.
    Officials at the prime minister’s office were not
    immediately available for comment. On Friday, Chief Cabinet Secretary Hirokazu Matsuno said Kishida would
    have the surgery to treat a chronic sinus condition. (Reporting by Yuka Obayashi; Editing by Clarence Fernandez)

  4. DUBLIN, June 22 (Reuters) – Ireland’s state-run “bad bank” on Thursday said it remained on course to return a 4.5 billion euro surplus to the
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  5. Students at the same graduation where a black woman snatched a microphone out of a
    white volunteer’s hand in a viral video and made allegations of
    racism have disputed those claims.Kadia Iman was seen in a TikTok video wrestling a
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    Kadia Iman was seen in a TikTok video wrestling a microphone out of a
    white lecturer’s hand while graduates at La Guardia Community College in Queens, New York,
    stood in line to receive their diplomas at an unidentified school Following the ceremony, Iman posted a short video explaining her actions at the LaGuardia College graduation
    Fellow graduates have spoken out and saying Iman completely overreacted and her allegations of racism were not true’That video is
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    No one was discriminated against or racially profiled her.
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    This was the only issue all day. The ceremony was great,
    ‘ she continued.A second black woman who also received her
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    There were two long lines and we were told to say our names when we approached
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    But she didn’t know any of our names – whether they were
    long or short,’ said @queldinero810.’Basically there were some people who said some extra
    things in Iman was seen in a viral video
    wrestling a microphone out of white volunteer’s hand
    Iman appeared to vent her frustration in front of
    fellow graduates and staff before dropping the micThose
    commenting on the video were also disapproving
    of how Iman had behaved.’Regardless of the fact they let her say her name or not,
    what she did was disrespectful and not the right way to
    handle things,’ said one.’I think she did that because nobody came to her graduation,’ suggested another.’I think she was just angry
    that nobody came to her graduation and she was a powder
    keg waiting to go off and she perceived some insult and that was it,’ wrote another TikTok user. The school
    has since responded to what occurred at the ceremony describing
    her behavior as ‘unacceptable’.’We regret that the student’s disruptive and
    inappropriate behavior impacted the celebration for graduates and guests.

    Her mistreatment of a staff volunteer was unacceptable,
    ‘ the school said in a statement. ‘We are currently
    reviewing the incident to gain a better understanding of what occurred and what we might do in the future to prevent something like this
    from happening again.’  Each student was
    given the opportunity to say their name, major,
    and a few small things about themselves as they traveled toward the stage, the influencer and
    Only Fans star admitted in a separate TikTok
    Iman could be seen violently grabbing the microphone away from the
    women who was a volunteer.

    She said the volunteer had pulled the mic down quickly on Black students
    ‘I want the mic,’ Iman can be heard yelling at the educator as she aggressively tugged the electronic from
    her in the now viral video.

    ‘Let go. You didn’t let me get my moment’ The school have now responded to what occurred at the ceremony describing her behavior
    as ‘unacceptable’The school further added in response to the
    viral video: ‘Our June 21st Commencement was a culmination of a
    lot of hard work and collaboration from LaGuardia faculty and staff volunteers who created a welcoming space for graduates to be
    recognized and for them to celebrate with their loved ones.’An incident occurred involving one graduate who demonstrated their frustration during the student procession for not being able to hold
    the microphone while they announced their name. ‘As
    a process for keeping the ceremony running in an orderly manner, students are given the opportunity to say their name while a volunteer holds
    the microphone.

    None of the students are allowed to hold the microphone to
    avoid any delay of the student procession and the ceremony.’At LaGuardia, we take pride in providing our students with the academic, emotional, and developmental support they need to be successful inside and outside of the classroom.

    We also encourage a safe and respectful learning and working environment for our students, faculty, and staff,’ the statement by Manny Romero, Vice
    President of Communications and External Affairs explained.
    Iman had already received her diploma but
    then returned to walk back to where other students were lining up to grab
    the mic  ‘I don’t want to be that person, but that was the tea.

    So, I just couldn’t let her, I just couldn’t let that happen because I worked so hard to
    graduate, went through so much s**t to graduate, that I just felt like I needed to reclaim my moment,’ Iman said.Iman had already received
    her diploma but then returned to walk back to where other students were
    lining up to grab the mic, just as the group from Interdisciplinary Studies
    was about to enter.Each student was given the opportunity to say their name, major, and a few small things about
    themselves as they traveled toward the stage,
    the influencer and Only Fans star admitted in a separate TikTok video.

    But as she and other black students got the chance to speak, she said she noticed the woman ‘pulling the mic down super fast for
    some black people.’ Iman went to ‘reclaim’ her moment and told the
    crowd her full name. ‘I don’t like how you snatched the mic out of my hand and today is going to be all about
    me,’ she told the administrator before throwing the microphone forcibly onto the ground and walking away. Iman took to Instagram to add she is not ’embarrassed’
    by her actions and the internet will ‘not gaslight me into thinking I’m the bad guy.

    I did it for girls that look like me, love you.’ DailyMail.com has attempted to reach Iman for comment. Many took to
    the comments to congratulate Iman, with one writing: ”I had to
    reclaim my moment’ AND DID.’  She took to Instagram to add that she
    is not ’embarrassed’ by her actions and the internet will ‘not gaslight me into thinking I’m the bad
    guy.

    I did it for girls that look like me, love you’
    The student appeared to received plentiful support from other
    online followers after the viral video’All the black girls stand up,’ one wrote. A woman named Zaria wrote: I’m so glad you stood up for yourself & had your moment!

    I’m proud of you & congratulations!!’ One user wrote: ‘The fact that she stood there and tried
    to keep you from getting the mic proved she was trying to keep you
    down.. I am so glad you got your moment.’ ‘You was obviously right
    cos security behind you didn’t even budge,’ another added. 

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